I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks and this will be my attempt to put it into words. We will see how it goes and I apologize in advance if it is all over the place and not pleasant to read. Try and stick with me.
So I am winding down with winter quarter and about to enter into my last spring quarter of my undergrad. This fact has been tripping me up a little. This wouldn't normally freak me out if I was doing what I usually do and have a firm plan of what comes next. A lot of you may be thinking that I am being a little dramatic and that I still have one whole year to figure all of this out. My answer to this is that I am very aware that I have a year left but I also know how fast a year goes by. I know that it goes by with a blink of an eye.
What is my fear, you ask? Well my fear is that I will get it wrong. The thing is that I do not know what I want to do 'when I grow up'. When I decided to major in Psychology, my thought was that I would be a counselor. Don't get me wrong, this still is something I want to do...along with many many other things. The nice thing(and right now, the hard thing) about getting a BA in Psychology is that you can choose anything you want to do! Other things which I have thought about is being a teacher(going into the school system, though, is not ideal and a big turnoff), school counseling, Child Development, Medical family therapy, Per marital counseling and many other things. What do you pick when everything sounds like something you want to do?
A big thing is whatever I end up doing with my life, I want it to matter. I think I have heard this statement many times and never given it more thought than, "of coarse you want your career to matter". Well these past weeks I have really felt what people mean when they say that. I want my life, my time, my energy, my passions to matter to someone. I want to be able to change the lives of those I am around. When I say this, I do not only mean those whom I am working with. I want to truly change the people around me. My friends, my family, if God graces me with a husband and children; I want the lives of these people be changed for the better for the sole reason that I was there and I loved them. I feel as though I have recently forgot the idea to love people. It seems so simple yet it is one out of the two most important commands in the bible. We are to love God with all our heart and love our neighbor as ourselves. That is what I want to do with my life. I want to matter to the people I come in contact with and I want to be a life changer for them. What this looks like, I do not know yet.
I want to have a home where people are loved and this is not questioned. I want to have friends who know that they can call me when they are lonely(oh the emptiness of loneliness is such a horrid feeling). I want to have family who sees my appreciation for them and sees my love for them on a daily basis. I want to have a husband who is served without having to ask and who hears the word LOVE often. I want to have kids who knows the sweetness of a mothers love and the warmth of a hug. I think that in my life, if I am able to love the people around me and the people who I come into contact with, I will have mattered in this life.
I am reminded of a song that I have been playing a lot lately(thanks to the newly discovered SPOTIFY). The song is called Always Love by Nada Surf.
"Always love, hate will get you every time. Always love, don't wait 'till the finish line."
Thank You for reading this post. It is very important to me!
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