Who Do You Think You Are?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—  to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace  that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding,  he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ,  to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.   [Ephesians 1:3-10]

I often forget who I am.  How do I identify myself and why do I cling on so hard to those identities.  My Pastor, Mark Driscoll, recently released a new book and it is beautiful.  I have only read, studied (with the daily devotional study guide) and heard (from his sermon series) the first two chapters but God is turning me back to the basics.  I often try and identify myself as certain things which are all on shaky ground.  Nothing, other than Jesus, is for certain.  As sad and heart wrenching it is to think about, even identities as daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother can be stripped of you from a tragic accident.  Something that I have lived for in the past is outward beauty.  That will diminish as time goes on.  There is no getting around that.  When we cling to those identities, what happens to us, who are we, if and when those things are lost?  Who will I be if I am not beautiful, wealthy, or successful?
This is where I get to share the most amazing thing with you!  If you are saved by Jesus, you were bought!  Your identity now lies in the hands of the creator of this world, and you are made new, you are made clean and you are righteous.  Your righteous does not have to do with anything you have done but rather what Jesus has done.  Jesus!  Much controversy surround His name (as it did when He walked on this earth 2, 000 years ago).  God left His thrown in heaven and came down to this earth as a HUMBLE SERVANT, lived a perfect, sinless life, died on the cross, rose from the dead after 3 days, walked on the earth for another 40 days and then rose into heaven.  Why did Jesus do this?  ALL was done so we may be a part of His family.  We are loved beyond any sort of imagination by the King of this universe.  And THAT KING is who holds our identity.  Because of Jesus, we can identify with Him, as our Father, as our perfecter.  We no longer have to cling to things which are on shaky ground.  Yes, I am a daughter and a sister and a friend, but more importantly, I am SAVED and I am RIGHTEOUS and it is in those things that I live out!  I can appreciate the blessing of my other roles here on earth.  As Pastor Mark says, the things, events and roles in my life explain me but they do not define me!  I am defined by someone so powerful and beautiful that I get to live joyously in that identity.
I would HIGHLY recommend reading this book for ANYONE.  If you know Jesus, this is so helpful in growing in wisdom, if you do not, read it!  For you want to know Him!!
BUY THE BOOK HERE!!!

I also just wanted to share this picture from when I was baptized in the puget sound in August.  This picture stirs so much peace in my heart when I see it!

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So!

    "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so" - Psalm 107:2
I had the privilege to go to the Redemption Group celebration at my church last night which was literally a night of worship and people sharing their stories of what God has done and continues to do in their lives.  It was absolutely beautiful.
As I sit in the early morning at my local Starbucks eating breakfast and drinking a soy latte I feel led by the Lord to share my own redemption story.  Please read this story in a way which shows God's work in my life and on my heart and not anything that I have done on my own.  Praise God that I did not and could not do any of this on my own but rather ALL was done by Him.  I hope and pray that speaking truth and sharing my story will only bring you closer to Him.

I was born into a family which was pretty dysfunctional from the very beginning.  This is nothing new for me to know and if you asked anyone in my family they would say the same.  From a very early age I witnessed my dad treat my mom very poorly and as my sister and later I got older he began to treat us in the same way.  Verbal abuse was the norm and in order for our dad to like us, we had to be perfect by his standards.  We had to speak nicely to him even in the midst of his yelling at us and calling us names.  We had to let him do whatever he felt like doing and if we were hurt by anything, it was inappropriate and disrespectful to bring it to his attention.  My heavenly Father was present in my life but my earthly dad was much more important in my eyes.  He was much more important in his eyes as well. My dad never encouraged us in our relationship with Christ.  My mother took us to church but in her quiet nature did not speak biblical truth very often.  This began my quest for perfection.  From as early as I can remember I believed I was not beautiful and sadly, I equated beauty with perfection.  Because I was not perfect, I was not beautiful.  My quest for perfection came out in different ways and when I got into High School I believed that the easiest way to become beautiful was to become skinny.  I made a deliberate choice to stop eating.  I did not see it as a problem but rather something that every girl has to chose at some point in their life.  Not even understanding the sin in this my body and thoughts of food became an idol.  I became sad and angry at the people around me.  It just seemed as though they had it all together when I was putting up a daily fight to be that way.  How do people become so perfect?  Throughout high school I was continually being fed the lies of my father of who I was and who I could never be.  I came to the conclusion that I was not lovable the way I was and I had to continue to try harder.
Then God led me to a college which was a 13 hour drive away from home.  Coming out of such a difficult family environments does not go smoothly.  I came to the conclusion that not eating and being skinny was not what was going to get me love.  So I gave up and quickly realized that food was my friend.  And it became too close of a friend.  I began relying on food for my comfort, my joy, my peace, my healer, my strength and my motivation.  I found freedom in the fact that I could now eat without the burden of imperfection but I was in slavery at the other side of the pendulum.  I would eat to excess and quickly found myself in the bathroom in an attempt to throw up my shame of eating so much.  If anyone would have asked me if I had any sins in my life that were in my face everyday I would have said no and fully believed that I didn't.  A week before going back to Seattle for my second year of college I listened to a beautiful talk by one of the pastor's wives at my church on gluttony.  The Holy Spirit spoke straight to me as she read Philippians 3:19, "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame.  Their mind is on earthly things."  I was stunned and saddened at the fact that I was blatantly choosing food over the God of the universe.  Although I was convicted of my sin and did not know what to do.  I began searching high and low for things to do in order to stop what I was doing.  I began reading books searching for exactly how to repent of something that had been a part of my daily life for the past seven years.  I had doubts that it was truly possible to repent because I didn't remember a time when I honored God with the things I ate.  To be honest I believed that was something God didn't deal with.  The basic act of eating was way too basic.  That is something we need to fix ourselves.  My binge eating and throwing up continued on for another year and when I got to winter quarter of my junior year of college I joined a Redemption Group at my church.  This was surprisingly something that I thought was a good idea to go through but not completely necessary for me.  My bingeing and purging was definitely something that I knew needed to change and I was reading books on the subject in an effort to find the best method for healing.  I sadly still had the idea in my head that it was way too below God for Him to even consider the idea of healing me from that.  Throughout Redemption Group I think I talked about this once or twice.  It was not the center of my discussions at group.  The center of the subject talked about at group was who God was.  It was revealed to me(by the Holy Spirit) that God is my loving Father who delights in me just the way that I am.  Today, tomorrow and forever will He be joyful to call me His daughter.  After Redemption Group, God absolutely transformed my heart, soul and mind and directed all of my thoughts, passions and desires on Him and bringing glory to His name!  I have never experienced the peace, joy and healing as I have in the past three months.  I no longer turn to food the way I have in the past; taking it away to make me perfect or eating in excess to make me feel loved.  Those things I find in Jesus Christ.
I have had a few people ask me what I did to come to the place that I am at.  I had tried for a couple years to try behavior modifications to escape from this slavery.  Please hear my words when I say I did not do anything but rather God pursued me.  My sin was a huge brick wall that was getting in the way of Him using me to the fullest and praise be to Him that He broke it down.
I could not be more thankful to my God for the healing He has brought to me.  I can truly say, more than I ever have been able to before, that I want and by God's grace I will live my life here on this earth bringing glory to God's name.
And I hope that is what my story does.  Brings glory to God's name and the power that He is more than capable of doing.

Blown Away!

I am currently taking a study break while studying for my first Neuroscience test!  I am currently in week 4 of spring quarter.  This quarter has been beautiful as God is answering my prayers to change and grow me DRAMATICALLY.  I really enjoy praying for big things because I know God is capable and faithful in that.  So at the beginning of the school year as well as every quarter, I have been asking God to grow me more than He ever has in my life.  To reveal Himself more to me and allow me to better understand myself as His daughter.  The first two quarters were the hardest!  And I sort of expected this due to the mysterious ways God does things(which are beautiful).  I felt the pains of loneliness like I have never felt them before.  I don't think I have felt lonely until then.  I didn't feel like I had a home(and in a sense I didn't).  I was paying rent and storing my things at one place and sleeping on the couch at another.  I lived out of bags.  I am so grateful for that couch as well as to my amazing friends for allowing me to stay there.  I will be forever grateful!  I also had to leave for work at 615 every morning and walk the 20 minute walk in the dark.  I am scared of the dark so it was not fun!  The only thing that kept me afloat those months was directly related to my prayers.  The interesting part as well was that I did not feel very close to God.  I just cried out to him constantly knowing he was there even if he didn't feel like it.  I feel like when this quarter started He flipped my life upside down and showed me for the thousandth time how faithful he is and how much He knows me.  I was blessed to be able to move my things into my friends house and officially move in!  This was amazing because I now get to live with my best friends.  I love them so much and they are such a support to me!  It is a joy to be able to serve these girls(my preference is when they are not looking) and just love on them.  As you saw in my last post, I was BLESSED with an amazing car!  I still can't believe that I have it and am so thankful.  I want to drive it so much :)  This car has allowed me to do more things due to not having to walk or depend on others for rides.  One of those things is to get involved in another Community Group(like a bible study through my church).  I prayed that God would put me in one that I grew from and of coarse from the first time I went to my new CG, I have been taught and grown through it.  I can not get over how thankful I am to God and to the people who are in the group!  Every single one of them has been a blessing to me and I don't think they even know it!  :)  God also gave me a new job at whole foods which is a huge gift because this just secures the fact that I  will be living in Seattle over the summer which I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT!!!
I don't want to take for granted any of the blessings in my life!  Truely, God's grace has blown my mind and I could not be more thankful to Him.  I know He is giving me what I need and even in the first two quarters I know that the loneliness was a feeling I needed to be pushed in the direction of God.  The sweetness of God's grace is unlike anything else.  I am humbled at the fact that God is even allowing me to see even a sliver of Him, to talk to him, to love hIm, and to sing to Him.  Oh, I am so undeserving!
I must get back to studying but I will continue this very soon!

Update

So I have a little bit of time to write a post!  I just finished an essay a lot faster than I expected and so now I have tonight to relax(as much as a college student can relax).
I just wanted to point out that today was so gross outside here in Seattle.  I has been very cold.  It has been raining pretty much all day and the rain has been hard.  Like it wants to be hail but it is not quit there yet.  It has also been really windy and dark due to the clouds that have not left the sky.  Luckily, today I got out of class at 1220 and was able to walk home, take a nap and be super comfy inside my house.  We have this really big comfy couch and I have been sleeping and studying on it all day.  I currently am enjoying a cup of all natural pear white tea.  Yummy!
This quarter has been so fast that I don't really feel as though I am getting anything done.  I feel like I do not have time to get anything done.  Life as a college student is so interesting.  You always have stuff on your mind and never truly(until the breaks after your quarter is over) have time to clear your head.  Even if you do clear your head, the next time you look at your schedule, it all floods back in.  Sometimes you just want to have no worries or no to do lists.  I can say though that I am enjoying my classes.  I am learning a lot.  Last quarter(fall 2011) was a very rough quarter for me emotionally and I didn't enjoy my classes because I didn't allow myself to.  I was very stressed about so many other things that I never got to just learn.  This quarter I am taking classes for my minor.  I decided to minor in Individual and Family Development last year for my self.  I did not want to do it for my career choice(which as of now, I really don't know what that will be) but rather to help me when I have a family.  I have enjoyed all of those classes and have appreciated learning about family and certain things which will be helpful like nutrition and interior design.  It has been very fun.
So what has God been teaching me lately??  Well at the beginning of this quarter I asked God to teach me more in this quarter than He has in any other quarter.  I wanted to grow so much this quarter and I will be able to look back at this quarter and know the things which had changed in my life.  Among the many things God has taught me, He has been revealing idols to me that He is commanding me to drop, give up on them and turn to Him.  One idol that I have is my Idol of Comfort.  I can see that my desire and "need" for comfort has become a sin.  When I say comfort, I am talking about the sitting on the coach for hours at a time, eating food which tastes good and is not good for me and just the all around idea that those things is where I get my strength from.  I need to remember that I get my strength from God and God alone.  He is my refuge and my strength.  I am not saying that sitting on the coach or eating yummy food is a sin.  But I am saying that it has become a sin, a lot of the time, in my life.  I desire is so much that I think that it is a big deal if I am not able to sit on the coach for a couple hours a day.  When in reality, God is my strength.  I can go through the day without have rest because He sustains me.  He blessed me with my very first thought yesterday morning when it was so exhausting to have to get up at 6am of "God sustains me, He is my strength."  He is!  I can see that although I almost feel like I am "worse shape" in my faith this quarter because my idol is so much in my face right now I am certainly not.  Maybe I was not aware of my idol last quarter but it was still an idol in my life.  I am thankful for the Holy Spirit revealing this idol to me because now I can REPENT from it.  God is so good to me.  And I can say that and whole heartedly believe that.
I am currently going through this group at Mars Hill called Redemption Group.  It has been so great.  We are in a group of about 10 women and we just get to share and work through our junk and our past and our sins and everything and be able to see where the gospel and where God is in all of it.  We are going through Redemption, a beautiful book.  I encourage you to read it!  I am blessed to be saved by Jesus and to be instilled with this wisdom.  I certainly do not deserve any of it and yet in His grace, I am NEW!!

Daydreaming of a More Relaxing Time

Some beautiful flowers in my
backyard from last summer

It is that time of the quarter when my motivation to do anything is very low.  I feel like I have only been doing the minimum and not really preparing ahead(which I usually tend to be very good at).  It is ending week six which is a little crazy to think about because that means we are half way done with the quarter.  On top of that, it is spring quarter so that means we are almost to summer.  I am so excited for summer to come.  In all my years of school, I think this is the summer I am the most excited for.  Not that I am doing anything fantastic(although I do plan to do fun things) but because I am in desperate need for a long break from school work and people.  Don't get me wrong, I love both school and the people I am with, it is just difficult having 9 months straight of both.  I really enjoy studying and learning new things but I am really looking forward to getting through books which I want to read fast.  I love reading books but it is hard to read personal books at a fast and consistent pace when you have a stack of textbooks staring at you from across the desk which should have higher priority.  I do give myself breaks and read personal books but I wish I could read them faster.  I also love the people I am with and live with.  It being the last few weeks of living in the dorms forever is a bit of a strange feeling.  It is great living with 45 girls but I am very much looking forward to next year when I will being living in a house with my best friends.  It will be fantastic!  I have been looking up new recipes I want to cook at home and am so excited to have the freedom to do that.  I don't have a kitchen here at school where I can cook meals and I am so excited to have one during the summer.  I plan on sharing many of these recipes and my adventures in cooking them on my blog.  I am also looking forward to the little things like catching up with old friends, meeting my mom for her lunch break, swimming and, of coarse, reading!!  I also plan to run a half marathon on August 28th which will be a blast as well.  I am really just looking forward to the peace and comfort of everyday life which is not filled with stress, deadlines, and constantly feeling like there is not enough time in a day.  I know it seems a bit soon to be daydreaming about summer but what can I say, I am from California(which it has been in the 90s there this week) and living in Seattle(which has been raining).  What can I say, I miss the sun.  I am really excited to help my parents in the garden(they grow tons of food and one of my favorite things to do is to go out and pick what we will be having for dinner) and sit out on the patio, getting tan and drinking iced tea.  It will surely be fantastic!  I am also excited to hang out with my sister and go to the college group at church.  I am excited to grow in my relationship with God as well as the other people in my life!  There are many things I am looking forward, I can't write them all down!  :)

Power Within Me

I have been spending some time tonight just meditating on the power God has distilled inside of me.  I was reading in Acts 3 and knowing that I am a human just as Peter was a human.  Peter had the power of the Holy Spirit in him and healed a crippled man.  We have that same power inside of us!  Philippians 4:13 tells us that we can do anything because of the power which is in us.  To really believe that verse; that we can do ANYTHING because of the power which is in us.  I am not walking around with nearly the boldness God desires me to have.  I am walking around as a beat up girl who is trying to make it through the next day without giving into the temptation of gluttony.  How pathetic is that?  I have the strength and the power inside of me to be victorious over all of the temptation which comes into my life. How can I fear anything but God?  God tells me that I will not be faced with a temptation that I can not overcome.  He will ALWAYS provide a way out for me to where I do not sin.  When I sin, that is because I am choosing to sin.  I am choosing to not be victorious over my sin.  I am a strong and victorious person(only by the grace of God) who has the power of God inside of me to do anything and I can win every time!  I don't have to be afraid of anything except for God.  Reading Acts 3 and understanding that the power which is in Peter is in me!  The Power which was in Jesus is in me!  How great is our God that he has given me this power.  I pray that God will change me and that I may walk with the confidence of His power that He desires me to walk with.  I pray that others will see this power and only be able to view it as God's.  This power can ONLY come from God and there is nothing that I can do to get it but rather God's grace upon me to give it to me.  I am praying for you and me to receive this power from God and that it will be for His glory that we have confidence that we are victorious because He was victorious.

He was victorious and now we, too, are victorious!

Psalm 67

May God be gracious to us and bless us
   and make his face shine on us-
so that your ways may be known on earth,
   your salvation among all nations.
May the peoples praise you, God;
   may all the peoples praise you.
May the nations be glad and sing for joy,
   for you rule the peoples with equity
   and guide the nations of the earth.
May the peoples praise you, God;
   may all the peoples praise you.
The land yields its harvest;
   God, our God, blesses us. 
May God bless us still,
   so that all the ends of the earth will fear him.

Psalm 27

The LORD is my light and my salvation—

   whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me

   to devour me,

it is my enemies and my foes

who will stumble and fall. 

Though an army besiege me,

   my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the LORD,

   this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the LORD

   and to seek him in his temple. 

For in the day of trouble

   he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent

and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted

   above the enemies who surround me;

at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, LORD;

   be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”

Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me,

   do not turn your servant away in anger;

   you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,

   God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me,

   the LORD will receive me.

Teach me your way, LORD;

   lead me in a straight path

   because of my oppressors. 

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

   for false witnesses rise up against me,

   spouting malicious accusations.

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

   in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

   be strong and take heart

   and wait for the LORD.

Re:Train

I got the opportunity yesterday to support the young men in Re:Train.  These are all men who are studying and beginning on a path to becoming pastors.  I was so excited to see what they were doing and being able to help feed them food was so much fun!  I didn't get to talk to them very much because they were studying and learning all day but I was so blessed to support them in a small way.  Doing dishes and serving them food!  What a blessing to be serving God and people.  That is my desire  :)

I am praying for the ministries all of these men are starting!

http://theresurgence.com//

I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High.
        -Psalm 9:1-2


I can not take credit for how my life has turned out.  It is by the grace of God that I am what I am.  He has saved me and continues to do so even in my selfishness.  He always brings me back.  I praise Him for who He is, not for the things that come into my life.
Thank you Daddy for rescuing me!